Ten Things Not to Do in New York City(3)

7 No matter how hungry you get, don't…
EAT AT A RESTAURANT IN TIMES SQUARE

We understand the slickster appeal of Times Square, with its gaudy neon, its aura of history, its unbridled commercialism. But we don't understand why anyone bothers to eat there. The Giuliani-era campaign to make Times Square safe for families and visitors had the side effect of attracting faceless national chains: Red Lobster, Applebee's, and Chevy's Fresh Mex hadn't set foot in New York City until they marched up 42nd Street. And guess what? The chains are exactly the same as the ones in the 'burbs—just more expensive.

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Instead…
EAT IN HELL'S KITCHEN

Two blocks west of Times Square is Hell's Kitchen, a gentrified neighborhood of former tenements now populated by young actors, writers, and other up-and-comers. These people need reliable, inexpensive places to chow down, and Ninth Avenue is lined with obliging eateries that run the ethnic gamut from Vietnamese to Puerto Rican to Greek to Italian—ideal for a quick, affordable lunch between sightseeing stops, or for a pre- or post-theater bite.

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8 If you're going to wait in line to see a live show, don't…
SEE A TIMES SQUARE COMEDY SHOW

If someone on the street asks "Do you like comedy?" your response should always be a blank stare of confusion or, for the more hardened among us, "What I'd like is for you to get out of my way." Times Square comedy clubs hire aspiring comedians to canvass the streets, luring unsuspecting visitors into not-particularly-funny stand-up shows with several-drink minimums. Equally unfunny are the crowds of people shivering in line before dawn to get standby tickets that don't even guarantee entrance into tapings of Saturday Night Live.

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Instead…
SEE THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE

Save yourself the trouble (and the cash) and head downtown to the Upright Citizens Brigade (307 W. 26th St., 212-366-9176) in Chelsea. Robin Williams, Mike Myers, Will Ferrell, and Tina Fey have appeared in shows at UCB, which cost no more than $8 per ticket. Megawatt stars regularly drop in to try out new material, you can indulge in your friend-crush on UCB regular Amy Poehler (or, um, Horatio Sanz), and you can catch up-and-comers before they make their big SNL debuts. The best part? UCB has some of the cheapest beer in town: $2 bottles will make even a rare "off" night go down a little easier.

Ten Things Not to Do in New York City(1)

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